True Blood

True Blood 7×07 – May Be The Last Time

"Even if they don't want to answer, teenagers can have a Pavlovian response to a ringing cell phone."

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Well that was slow.

The writers of True Blood should give a crash course on how to stall a season’s momentum dead in its tracks. After a string of strong, compelling hours, May Be The Last Time was a hot mess. With three episodes to go, you’d think Blood would be bringing out the big guns. But no, this was a tedious set-up outing with a whole lot of treading water.

First up, there’s absolutely no sense of urgency or sadness with regards to Bill’s condition. Now that Sarah has been revealed as the cure, why would I even care about Bill’s supposed final moments with Jessica being all dramatic? If the writers take a risk and actually kill off Bill while curing Eric, then I’d applaud the gusty move. But it’s obvious that both vamps will be cured soon enough, and that robs the episode of its impact and emotion. Moreover, am I supposed to be touched by Bill and Sookie finally hooking up again? (The less said about those veins the better). I know I’m supposed to get all warm and weepy on the inside seeing the soulmates reunites, but after all the atrocious storytelling of the past few seasons, it’s hard to root for Bill and Sookie as an endgame couple. Boring.

Infinitely more successful is the Yokonomo corporation’s plan to synthesize Sarah’s blood into New Blood, and make billions of profits with Eric as their partner. Sadly, this subplot received far too little screen-time this week, and moved along at a snail’s pace because Eric, Pam and the Yakuza only uncovered the devious blonde’s location in the episode’s closing moments. Step it up people!

Much like Bill’s deteriorating condition, Hoyt’s return should have been emotional and poignant. However, it was rendered useless thanks to Jason making googly eyes at Hoyt’s girlfriend. Really writers? Is Mr. Stackhouse that much of a perv even after everything he’s done to his former best friend. Had this little aspect not been so emphasized, his lying to Hoyt about his “good” mother would have been much more affecting. What a pity.

And in this week’s extraordinary useless subplot, Violet took Adleyn and whatshisname to her sex dungeon and we were forced to endure an unacceptable amount of time watching the two lovebirds debate the benefits of kinky vs regular sex. Can the psycho vamp kill these two already so we can move on to better things?

Bloody Bits

– My favorite scene of the hour: Arlene’s sex dream with Keith on the pool table. Did we previously know that Arlene is Hep-V positive? Sounded like fresh news to me. I guess dancing will have to do until Sarah is captured.

– I actually don’t remember Dr. Ludwig from her previous season four appearance but she was a hoot. I especially loved her arrival in the Hummer. But in true True Blood fashion, her appearance didn’t really amount to much.

– Another week, another set of absolutely tedious Bill flashbacks. E-N-O-U-G-H.

– Grandpa Niall is back. Nope, that didn’t last long. Also pointless.

– Arlene and Sam’s “deep” conversation was somewhat insightful.

– Andy sobbing while staring out at the lake was his strongest moments in years. Pity it was wasted in such an episode.

– Even Sarah’s hallucinations didn’t really amuse me. Even with Steve appearing, they could have been funnier.

– Sookie running in that white dress was a nod to a previous iconic episode right? All I could think of was: Anna Paquin runs funny.

True Quips

Pam: You want Eric to be your fucking spokesperson for your vampire Jenny Craig commercials?
Gus: Now I ain’t a homo, but you have to admit he is a handsome devil.

Dr. Ludwig: Newsflash — sometimes monogamy means one thing to hopelessly romantic blonde girls and something altogether different to their vampire lovers.
Bill: We are no longer lovers.
Dr. Ludwig: Are you sure she knows that?

Niall: If this munchkin doctor doesn’t know how to heal him, what can I do?

Conclusion

A slow-moving mess of an hour. Someone give me props for loyalty.

Nad Rating
C-

4 comments

  1. I found this episode to be mostly disappointing as well. Dr. Ludwig's return was a delightful surprise while Sarah being visited upon by her former lovers was mildly entertaining. I didn't like how Amber all of sudden became loyal to his sister. Yes, Sarah cured her of her illness. But it isn't enough to wipe the slate clean between them to the point it would inspire in Amber fanatical loyalty to Sarah “Newme”. The end scene with Bill and Sookie sickened me more than moved me because, of course, the writers would use Bill's condition to bring these two together only mere days after Alcide's death.

    There are times I wish the show could be of those shows who have episodes that focus exclusively on one storyline with no distracting side plots like Breaking Bad's Fly episode. Back when Alan Ball was in charge, I thought that would have been the case since he oversaw Six Feet Under. Sadly, the show can't get past the need to touch on all storylines every single episode.

  2. Roman

    Stalling seems to be what this show does best. I initially thought it was the worst episode of True Blood, but I'd really need to think on that one. It's definitely one of the worst at least. I still think one of the two mains guys will die, and I think it could still be Eric, even if he is cured. Why? Because the writers see something in Bill that no one else sees. Not only are the writers the biggest fans of Bill, they are the only fans of a Bill/Sookie reunion. The Eric/Pam plot thing seems to be the most important in my opinion, so I'm puzzled why it's getting so little time. I'm not expecting this show to go out in a blaze of glory, and I'm really interested in the conclusion of a few characters. Still, I can only hope they step it up. Unfortunatley, I know they are probably going to spend the majority of the next episode on this stupid Tara thing.

  3. You're right I don't get what they see in Bill and Sookie. Let's hope we have the strength to make it through the stupid Tara storyline next week.

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