Well that was slow.
The writers of True Blood should give a crash course on how to stall a season’s momentum dead in its tracks. After a string of strong, compelling hours, May Be The Last Time was a hot mess. With three episodes to go, you’d think Blood would be bringing out the big guns. But no, this was a tedious set-up outing with a whole lot of treading water.
First up, there’s absolutely no sense of urgency or sadness with regards to Bill’s condition. Now that Sarah has been revealed as the cure, why would I even care about Bill’s supposed final moments with Jessica being all dramatic? If the writers take a risk and actually kill off Bill while curing Eric, then I’d applaud the gusty move. But it’s obvious that both vamps will be cured soon enough, and that robs the episode of its impact and emotion. Moreover, am I supposed to be touched by Bill and Sookie finally hooking up again? (The less said about those veins the better). I know I’m supposed to get all warm and weepy on the inside seeing the soulmates reunites, but after all the atrocious storytelling of the past few seasons, it’s hard to root for Bill and Sookie as an endgame couple. Boring.
Infinitely more successful is the Yokonomo corporation’s plan to synthesize Sarah’s blood into New Blood, and make billions of profits with Eric as their partner. Sadly, this subplot received far too little screen-time this week, and moved along at a snail’s pace because Eric, Pam and the Yakuza only uncovered the devious blonde’s location in the episode’s closing moments. Step it up people!
Much like Bill’s deteriorating condition, Hoyt’s return should have been emotional and poignant. However, it was rendered useless thanks to Jason making googly eyes at Hoyt’s girlfriend. Really writers? Is Mr. Stackhouse that much of a perv even after everything he’s done to his former best friend. Had this little aspect not been so emphasized, his lying to Hoyt about his “good” mother would have been much more affecting. What a pity.
And in this week’s extraordinary useless subplot, Violet took Adleyn and whatshisname to her sex dungeon and we were forced to endure an unacceptable amount of time watching the two lovebirds debate the benefits of kinky vs regular sex. Can the psycho vamp kill these two already so we can move on to better things?
– My favorite scene of the hour: Arlene’s sex dream with Keith on the pool table. Did we previously know that Arlene is Hep-V positive? Sounded like fresh news to me. I guess dancing will have to do until Sarah is captured.
– I actually don’t remember Dr. Ludwig from her previous season four appearance but she was a hoot. I especially loved her arrival in the Hummer. But in true True Blood fashion, her appearance didn’t really amount to much.
– Another week, another set of absolutely tedious Bill flashbacks. E-N-O-U-G-H.
– Grandpa Niall is back. Nope, that didn’t last long. Also pointless.
– Arlene and Sam’s “deep” conversation was somewhat insightful.
– Andy sobbing while staring out at the lake was his strongest moments in years. Pity it was wasted in such an episode.
– Even Sarah’s hallucinations didn’t really amuse me. Even with Steve appearing, they could have been funnier.
– Sookie running in that white dress was a nod to a previous iconic episode right? All I could think of was: Anna Paquin runs funny.
Pam: You want Eric to be your fucking spokesperson for your vampire Jenny Craig commercials?
Gus: Now I ain’t a homo, but you have to admit he is a handsome devil.
Dr. Ludwig: Newsflash — sometimes monogamy means one thing to hopelessly romantic blonde girls and something altogether different to their vampire lovers.
Bill: We are no longer lovers.
Dr. Ludwig: Are you sure she knows that?
Niall: If this munchkin doctor doesn’t know how to heal him, what can I do?
A slow-moving mess of an hour. Someone give me props for loyalty.