There’s nothing quite like our country’s soul-sucking traffic. But instead of picturing yourself blowing your brains out the next time you’re stuck in a hellish traffic jam, perhaps one of these tips will come in handy.
Judge the car next to you
Being judgmental is our national sport, so you’re most certainly well equipped to do this. Simply scan the car beside you from top to bottom. Is it this year’s Bentley? Is it more expensive than yours? Can you take out a loan to buy a nicer one within the next week? When you’ve analyzed the vehicle as thoroughly as possible, it’s now time to move on to the driver. Which surgeon got her that nose job? Is that really his car or is he just the arrogant chauffeur? The only limits to the scenarios you create is your imagination. So get creative, and be super duper mean.
P.S. Make sure to catch a look at the car’s license plate as it drives off. If the car is rented, all the above doesn’t matter anymore.
Catch up with old friends
This one is ONLY acceptable if your car is absolutely not moving because you should never text/call and drive. However, if you’ve been stuck in the same spot for half a century, feel free to dial up a boring relative or friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. The great thing about being trapped in this predicament is that even the dullest of stories can sound thrilling. And hey, when the car starts moving, you have the perfect excuse to end the call by guilting the other party into not distracting you any further. You’re welcome.
Fix your makeup (women only)
Ladies, feel free to start touching up everything on your face. Not only will you look ten times more gorgeous, but you will provide ample entertainment for the mob of cars, beggars and motorcycles buzzing by. A true lady knows her priorities and doesn’t let traffic interfere with her beauty regiment.
Endlessly switch radio stations
The goal is to never listen to one station for more than a few seconds at a time. You don’t ever actually want to hear a song in full, you want to keep hopping around stations in fear of missing an even better song. The great thing about this technique is that you end up building a vast repertoire of the trendiest new tunes. That way you can almost hum along to all the songs the next time you’re in Skybar with your drink and hands up in the air.
Honk. A lot.
That’s right, you don’t care if the lane ain’t moving. A true Lebanese will keep honking (no matter what) with the disillusioned hope that cars will magically start moving faster if you annoy the hell out of everybody else. So yeah, honk on to your heart’s content; it’s in your blood.