As a season premiere, Two Swords is most notable for introducing the incredible Pedro Pascal as Prince Oberyn. Pascal is excellent in the role, exuding just the right degree of charm and unsettling menace. Not only is he a bisexual (a refreshing twist for the show), he’s accompanied by the gorgeous and seductive Ellaria Sand. In addition, Oberyn reveals a surprising vendetta: his sister Elia was raped and killed alongside her kids by The Mountain under Tywin’s orders (she was supposed to be marrying Rhaegar Targaryen). Suffice to say, the duo from Dorne will definitely be causing a whole lot of trouble in King’s Landing going forward. I can’t wait!
And then there’s the adventures of Arya and The Hound. I absolutely loved everything about the final tavern scene: the heated exchanged between the Hound and Polliver over “chickens”, the insanely brutal and extended fight scene, and of course Arya FINALLY retrieving Needle and killing Polliver in the exact same way he murdered Lommy. It’s all so satisfying and thrilling, particularly since Arya is finally becoming the vicious badass we always wanted her to be.
Bits & Beheadings
– Tywin uses Ned’s sword to make two Valyrian blades, one of which he gifts to Jaime (alongside the order to move to Casterly Rock). Obviously, Jaime refuses.
– Loved Oberyn and Ellaria choosing their whores, and then the former brutalizing the Lannister men.
– Dany’s dragons are even bigger now. Woohoo! Also, they’re starting to get temperamental with mommy dearest. The way they massacred that goat was NASTY!
– Poor Sansa, so traumatized by everything.
– Typical GOT kinkiness: Shae sucking Tyrion’s finger and then using that to pleasure herself.
– Qyburn is in King’s Landing! And he’s given Jaime a golden hand. Looks expensive…
– I always knew Cersei was selfish but pushing Jaime away and blaming him for getting kidnapped? Not very reasonable are you?
– I like Tormund, he’s growing on me. But that creepy cannibalistic Thenns tribe? So very creepy.
– Loved how tough and badass Jon was while on trial at the Night’s Watch. He’s really grown a great deal.
– Olenna’s reaction to Brienne is priceless. She calls her “marvelous.” Even funnier, Olenna throwing gems in the garden.
– Brienne tells Margaery about the shadow monster that killed Renly; I love when a storyline pays off two seasons later. Nothing is ever forgotten on this show.
– I really wanted to punch that smirk off Joffrey’s face when he insulted Jaime and the fact that he has no legacy in the Kingsguard book.
– Horrifying moment with Dany seeing the little girl hanging on the cross on the way to Mereen. And the thought that there’s over a hundred more? Oh lord.
– Great continuity with the man that Sansa saved from Joffrey following her and giving her a necklace.
– The Hound wants to take Arya to her aunt in the Vale. This can’t be good.
– How sick is Polliver for wanting to rape Arya? Yuck.
– The final shot is gorgeous with The Hound holding on to his chicken, and Arya finally on her very own horse as the GOT theme plays. Wow.
– In case you hadn’t noticed, the actor who plays Daario, Ed Skrein, has been replaced this season by Michiel Huisman. He definitely fits the role better.
Kings & Quips
Jaime: I suppose you want the sword back.
Tywin: Keep it. A one-handed man with no family needs all the help he can get.
Bronn: (to Tyrion) Some accomplished diplomacy that was.
Olyvar: Very good my lady.
Ellaria: Oh, I’m not a lady. A term of courtesy in this establishment. A lie anywhere.
Oberyn: Take off your clothes.
Olyvar: Which way do you like it?
Oberyn: My way.
Oberyn: What are you? His hired killer?
Bronn: It started that way, aye. Now I’m a knight.
Oberyn: How did that come to pass?
Bronn: Killed the right people, I suppose.
Oberyn: (to Tyrion) If the Mountain killed my sister, your father gave the order. Tell your father I’m here. And tell him the Lannisters aren’t the only ones who pay their debts.
Daario: (to Grey Worm) I’d rather have no brains and two balls.
Tyrion: (to Sansa) I didn’t know your brother. He seemed like a good man, but I didn’t know him. Your mother, on the other hand,I admired her. She wanted to have me executed, but I admired her.
Jaime: You like it so much, you’re welcome to chop off your own hand and take it.
Cersei: Such an ingrate. I spent days with the goldsmith getting the details just right.
Cersei: Better part of an afternoon.
Jaime: You never let Pycelle near you.
Cersei: You think I’d let that old lecher put his hands on me? He smells like a dead cat.
Jaime: I’m not sure I’ve eversmelled a dead cat.
Cersei: Well, they smell like Pycelle.
Jaime: I’ve been back for weeks. Something’s changed.
Cersei: Everything’s changed.
Styr: She yours?
Ygritte: I’m not anybody’s.
Aemon: If we beheaded every ranger who lay with a girl, the Wall would be manned by headless men.
Alliser: And you always know when a man’s telling a lie? How did you acquire this magical power?
Aemon: I grew up in King’s Landing.
Olenna: My little dears. Go and speak to the jewelers of King’s Landing. Tell them who you are, tell them who sent you. The one who brings me the best necklace will get to keep the next best.
Jaime: (to Brienne) Are you sure we’re not related? Ever since I’ve returned, every Lannister I’ve seen has been a miserable pain in my ass. Maybe you’re a Lannister, too. You’ve got the hair for it if not the looks.
Arya: He killed Lommy.
The Hound: What the fuck’s a Lommy?
Arya: He’s still got it.
The Hound: Got what?
Arya: My sword Needle.
The Hound: Needle? Of course you named your sword.
Arya: Lots of people name their swords.
The Hound: Lots of cunts.
Polliver: You don’t seem to understand the situation.
The Hound: I understand that if any more words come pouring out of your cunt mouth, I’m gonna have to eat every fucking chicken in this room.
Polliver: You lived your life for the king. You’re gonna die for some chickens?
The Hound: Someone is.
A fantastic season opener. Here’s to another amazing season!