The King is finally dead, and I couldn’t be happier.
Of course the manner in which despicable little Joffrey died was particularly memorable; his final moments were gruesome and slow, and well, isn’t that exactly what he deserved? Naturally Joffrey couldn’t leave us without leaving some sort of trouble behind, and the last thing he did was point an accusatory finger at poor Tyrion as Cersei screamed for his arrest. Ouch; this can’t be good.
Truth be told, the writers did an incredible job of building up to the death by giving Joffrey one of his most despicable scenes yet. The manner in which he humiliated Tyrion for a prolonged period of time was just horrifying: the pouring wine, the incessant orders and insults – it was all so darn blood-boiling.
Now that Joffrey’s gone, we’ve got another dastardly villain vying for the title of most psychopathic kid in town – Ramsay Snow. The teaser with him hunting down a defenseless girl was absolutely vicious (especially his dogs ripping her to pieces). And then there’s poor Theon. The scene with Ramsay making “Reek” shave him in front of his father to prove how traumatized he has become was particularly effective. And if we needed any more proof that Theon has been completely and utterly broken, look no further than his unflinching reaction to the news of Robb’s death with a blade in hand.
Bits & Beheadings
– Yet another sausage visual gag! This time it goes from Theon to Tyrion’s breakfast! Ha!
– For a second there, I thought Ramsay was Jon’s brother but it seems Snow is the last name for all the bastards of Winterfell.
– I kind of love the fact that Bronn is training Jaime in secret now. The two men contrast each other beautifully.
– Walda, Bolton’s wife, is Frey’s granddaughter. He famously chose her because he would receive her weight in silver as dowry.
– And so Tywin gives the second Valyrian sword to Joffrey as a wedding present. Watching Joffrey childishly slice Tyrion’s gift to pieces actually made me laugh.
– Well, the Shae subplot really fizzled out in the end: Tyrion simply tells Bronn to send her to Pentos. Do we all believe she got on the boat?
– This week in sacrifices: Stannis’ wife Selyse gladly watches on as her brother is barbecued. Seriously? #Nutcases
– How awkward was that dinner between Melisandre, Stannis and Selyse? But I loved Melisandre’s conversation with Shireen about religion.
– Jojen warns Bran of spending too much time in Summer’s head or he could forget his current reality. Interesting.
– Bran comes across a Weirdwood tree and sees a fascinating vision which includes his dad but more importantly, an epic visual of a dragon’s shadow above King’s Landing. Woahhhh! Come on Dany, move it!
– I can’t get enough of Tywin and Olenna sharing scenes together. Love the way she manages him. I kind of ship them actually.
– Did Loras and Oberyn just flirt with their eyes?
– Loved Cersei trying to corner Brienne into admitting she loves Jaime. Damn!
– The most hilarious moment of the hour: Cersei finding Pycelle and completely insulting him before ordering him to throw the leftovers to the dogs against Margaery’s orders. Also, if you missed it, Pycelle was telling a girl to come to his room. What a pervert!
– A gem of a moment: Prince Oberyn and Ellaria Sand running into Tywin and Cersei. It’s kind of brilliant and unsettling how Oberyn mentions Cersei’s daughter. And I love that he doesn’t seem threatened by the Lannisters in the slightest.
– The show that Joffrey has performed at the wedding with the various dwarves insulting Renly and Ned – talk about bad taste.
– It’s fascinating to watch the rest of the characters as Joffrey abuses Tyrion. Margaery and Sansa can barely watch, whereas heartless Cersei enjoys every second. He’s her brother.. HOW? And of course Tywin is just stoic.
– It’s a quick moment, but there’s a dead dove inside the cake. Guess that Valyrian steel really is sharp.
Kings & Quips
Tyrion: (to Jaime) A toast. To the proud Lannister children. The dwarf, the cripple, and the mother of madness.
Jaime: (to Tyrion) I’m the Kingslayer. When people find out I can’t slay a pigeon…
Jaime: Is this place safe?
Bronn: There’s this knight, Leygood, got thunderbolts on his shield.
Bronn: Right here is where I fuck his wife. She’s a screamer, that one. If they don’t hear her, they won’t hear us.
Jaime: Bold warrior you are, attacking a man when his guard’s down.
Bronn: Best time to attack a man.
Jaime: Mind yourself. If I still had my right hand…
Bronn: (attacking him again) Plan on growing it back?
Melisandre: They’re in a better place now, Princess. The fire cleansed themof the sins of the world.
Shireen: But they screamed.
Melisandre: Women scream when they give birth. Afterward they are filled with joy.
Shireen: Afterward they aren’t ash and bone.
Shireen: There are no seven heavens and no seven hells?
Melisandre: There’s only one hell, Princess. The one we live in now.
Sansa: We have a new queen.
Tyrion: Better her than you.
Bronn: (to Tyrion) She’s gone. I know you don’t want to believe it, but she is. Now, go drink till it feels like you did the right thing.
Jaime: If you somehow managed to put a child in her first, she’d murder him, too, long before he drew his first breath. Luckily for you, none of this will happen because you’ll never marry her.
Loras: And neither will you.
Cersei: More repugnant than your gnarled fingers on that girl’s thighs?
Pycelle: Your Grace, I am a man of learning.
Cersei: My little brother had you sent to the Black Cells when you annoyed him. What do you think I could do to you if you annoyed me?
Pycelle: I never meant to annoy anyone.
Cersei: But you are. You annoy me right now. Every breath you draw in my presence annoys me. So here’s what I want you to do. I want you to leave my presence. Leave this wedding right now. Go to the kitchens and instruct them that all the leftovers from the feast will be brought to the kennels.
Pycelle: Your Grace, Queen Margaery–
Cersei: The queen is telling you the leftovers will feed the dogs or you will.
Another gamechanging hour of Game of Thrones. This momentous hour is perfectly executed and wonderfully satisfying.