The Mindy Project

The Mindy Project 5×01 – Decision

"What we have, what's between us, it's hot as hell. Sexual dynamite. Stuff that creams are made of. Interracial porno."


Words can’t express how much I’ve missed having The Mindy Project in my life. No other comedy is this clever and amusing, and this season premiere was the perfect embodiment of the show’s wit and charm.

From the start, Mindy has made it a point to subvert rom-com expectations, and season five looks like it’ll be no different. Decision employed a welcome twist on the cliche love triangle and brought it to a wonderfully satisfying conclusion by episode’s end as Mindy finally picked herself. It really felt true to the character we’ve watched grow over the past five years, creating a tremendously empowering moment in the process. Of course it’s a pity that Danny Castalano had to become so unlikeable and despicable (he’s still asking Mindy to change), but I guess it was necessary to ensure we don’t miss having him on the show going forward.

Quite amazingly, the hour also allowed the show’s supporting cast to shine with a number of standout moments. I can’t remember the last time Beverly received this much screen-time, and watching her “advise” Mindy on her love triangle while trying to get that darn boat loan signature was a hoot. Even Tamra and Colette enjoyed a hysterical subplot as they pretended to be Mindy’s legal council, and eventually carried news of the hookup to Jody. Other comedies take note: this is how you spread the love throughout your entire cast.

Bits from the Clinic

– Love Mindy saying “what the-” in the teaser just before cutting to the credits.

– Colette’s “erotic pantomime” – too funny!

– So Mindy doesn’t know what Obamacare is, and she has a machete singed by Dany Trejo. Ha!

– The fact that Danny peed in the elevator. Can you say disgusting?

– What an epic sight with Mindy running through the rain in her pajamas. Typical romantic comedy scene!

– How amusing was it to see Jody not agree to be friends with Mindy after she rejected him? His reaction: telling her to leave, hollering at the rest of the city, and throwing chicken (?) at her.

– The ending with Mindy smiling and walking away after choosing herself kind of gave me a series finale vibe. It feels like the start of a brand new chapter in the show’s life!

– Don’t agree that this hour was tremendously quotable? See my collection below!

Lahiri Liners

Mindy: (to Jody) You are handsome and rugged. Like a lumberjack in a porno.

Mindy: This has been the strangest day. One man gives me a new upstairs. Another gives it to me downstairs. And here I am, caught in a love triangle… the sexiest of all shapes.

Mindy: (to Danny) I was having sex with you in an elevator six hours ago. My mouth was having sex with you seven hours ago.

Mindy: But now you’ve turned me into an adulterer, Danny. And I’m barely an adult. I have done some bad things in my life, okay? I lie about my age. I pick at the Whole Foods hot bar. Sometimes I sneeze in it. I once took a brooch off of a dead woman at a funeral, okay? But I am not an adulterer.

Mindy: (to Danny) I ruined your life? I gave you a beautiful son and jerk-off material for a lifetime.

Danny: (to Mindy) From a religious standpoint, we’d just be piggybacking on the first sin.

Mindy: Hindu gods do not like adultery, and I want to get reincarnated as something cool, like a ladybug or a race car.

Jody: I thought she was giving me dough eyes. You know, the way she looks at cookie dough.

Jody: Well, I am using the classic Kimball-Kinney seduction technique… heat up a woman with a romantic gesture, then back off. Let it simmer. Works for soup too.

Colette: To be honest, I was getting worried about you. I thought you might kill yourself out of loneliness.
Jody: Oh my God!
Colette: You know, like all of our uncles.
Jody: Well, good thing I’m happy, then.
Colette: I’m so relieved. I’m gonna call the groundskeeper. I’m gonna tell him to seal up that mausoleum. We don’t need it.

Principal: I need to speak to Mindy Lahiri.
Tamra: Oh, she took a whole “Vanity Fair” into the bathroom. It’s gonna be a minute.

Morgan: I recently learned I’ve been wearing my underwear backwards my whole life. I thought the slit was a fart chimney.

Mindy: This is terrifying. She’s gonna kill me. And you know what? I am going to be season three of “Serial.” And the worst part is, no one’s gonna listen, ’cause season two was so boring.

Mindy: Sarah’s pretty? Sarah’s pretty? (She hits Morgan) No one’s pretty but me!

Morgan: Sarah was convinced that you were a glamorous sex bot and that you were about to get with Danny.
Mindy: How am I glamorous? A police horse licked my hair today.

Tamra: We are Doctor Lahiri’s legal counsel. A woman of color was falsely imprisoned in your broke-ass elevator for an entire night. She had no food. She had no water. She had no dignity. This could be a $50-million lawsuit and a bad Yelp review.

Mindy: I have spent so much of my life thinking that I was the protagonist in my own movie that I never stopped to think that maybe I’m the villain in somebody else’s.
Jody: Well, you’re certainly not the villain in my movie, Mindy. You’re the amusing ethnic second lead.
Mindy: I’m obviously that Indian priest who rips the guy’s heart out. Great, now I’m hungry for heart.

Mindy: I am blameless, for what is probably the first time in my entire life.
Beverly: But we were going to slut-shame her. Who can we slut-shame now?

Beverly: If neither one of these guys is right, wait for someone special to come along. Until then, get escorts. Or crank it.

Mindy: This is your apartment?
Jody: Yeah.
Mindy: It’s like the friggin’ Smithsonian.
Jody: Actually, I lent the Smithsonian a few pieces.

Jody: (screaming out at Mindy) You could have had a white boyfriend!

A hilarious banter-filled hour that never once loses sight of its complex characters. Amazing!

Nad Rating


  1. Wow, wow those lines!!! Hysterical! I want to print em out and hang them over my bed (dead serious).

    I didn't even catch half of these so this was a fun surprise! So good to have this show back.

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